it's a sign

Recently, some of the blogs I like have been discontinued. Some bloggers are taking a break, some shut their blogs down, others simply stop updating and just disappeared. My sis took a break for a while and contemplated shutting her blog down. A friend decides to stop blogging and just work on his website instead. Heck, even a small-timer like me wanted to give it a rest a while back.
Why?
Is it because it’s a public diary and makes you feel like you are losing your privacy? Is it because it gets to the point when you can’t write the truth anymore for fear of hurting someone who reads your blog often? Or is it simply because it just makes no sense anymore?
I set up this blog to be my sound board, a place where I can rant and rave and vent and say all those things I cant seem to put into words when I talk. Then I became conscious of stepping on the toes of those who check back often. Hell, I think I didn’t just step on toes. Might have meted out some sound slaps along the way.
So I started writing about safe stuff. And the light was lost. I suffered from massive blog block. And my tapping fingers produced rubbish.

At the same time, my life wasn’t moving along that nicely. I had other things on my mind. I was extremely tired from 2004. A situation assessment was in order.
I proclaimed a break. To be perfectly honest, I thought I’d be taking a long long break. Then all of a sudden, the words flowed again and came together to form completely coherent sentences. In no time, the next entry was up.
I recalibrate fast, I told someone in jest. Hmmm….but maybe it’s true. :D

What do I want from this blog?
That’s not too difficult to answer.
I want a place to contain all my frustrations. Hey, if this technology was available in the sixties, maybe Sylvia Plath wouldn’t have stuck her head in the oven, and Susanna Kaysen wouldn’t have been a sex addict. Manic depression needs to be parked somewhere.
I want that someday some editor of some kickass hip magazine would come across it by chance and think, hey this writing is quite interesting, maybe this person can write for me. And I would get my small source of income and also have time to work on my precious AEON.
(I know. Dream on. But it’s not such a big dream….)

All these words were floating around in my head yesterday. Took me a day to pin them down and spit them out. But then again, work was freaking crazy the whole of yesterday.
I like the 24th of each month. It’s like a mini-anniversary day.
Haha, just my ego talking.
Xiao ah? Yah lor….

Anyway.
I don’t know the whole point of writing this.
Who knows? Maybe that’s the whole point.
Ha.

I was staring blankly at my table calendar yesterday. Took me 24 days to realize that there is a quote for Jan 2005:
Things are only as GOOD or as BAD as you make them seem.
- Monica Gonzales

Bingo.
I tell you, it’s a sign.